My father and his fore-fathers before him was a member of the House of Lords. Being the fifth son, my chances of inheriting that coveted seat were vanquished by the accident of the rank of my birth. The same is not true for my dear papa’s Bond automobile collection.

lexus misssus

You see, my father was a renowned playboy in his hey day-which coincided with the release and consequent popularity of the 007 sequels. Being a Lord with extensive estates in the Scottish bens and lochs, he had vast financial resources at his disposal. He was, I am proud to say, set apart from the ‘great unwashed’ (as the members of his country club referred to the general masses) and was not bothered by the trifles of paying off mortgages and saving for the college funds of his extensive brood of five sons and three daughters – who, by rote, attended Oxford.

The above two paragraphs are nonchalant in their expression of the reason for this essay. However, my dear reader will bear with me since nothing (especially the aforementioned discourse) exists without any logical explanation-expect perhaps the presidency of that lunatic under the guise of G. W. Bush!

Well, I did inherit some bits and pieces of my father’s extensive motorcade…my most cherished piece of heirloom being a vintage Lexus. It was impossible not to love that car. It was not the most impressive auto, but by Jove, it was so comfortable, so very well taken care of and very easily managed that I had no other option but to make the Lexus my missus!

Being the son of a lord, it was customary for me to drive her out to lunch at one of the more affluent eateries of London, especially The Savoy which had a waiter boy who was very fond of my Lexus and who would clean and dry her while I dined. I was troubled that the boy loved the car so but I still permitted him the pleasure of servicing the car- being one of my numerous acts of charity. The afternoons would either be spent at a mechanic who also had a thing for my automobile.

It crossed my mind that I needed to insure my dearest car since Lexus are especially attractive to members of the Order of Itchy-Fingers. Coincidentally, one day during a game of croquet, one of my many female friends whom I suspected of planning to overthrow Lexus’ reign over my heart notified me of the existence of Gringott’s and Sons, a top-notch insurance firm with international operations.

So I got in touch with Gringott’s and engaged my Lexus. It so happened that two days after the engagement, my dear Lexus suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night.

Which brings us to a conclusion not very much unlike the story starting and ending with famous phrase “The Lady or the Tiger?” . Which brings me to ask, was it my lady friend, the mechanic or the waiter boy who took my Lexus?